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Title: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex
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Manufacturer: Harper Paperbacks
List Price: $13.95
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| Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by Harper Paperbacks Don't take relationship advice from a divorced quack! | No sane person should ever consider ascribing to these sexist ideas. I've listened to the tapes, read the books, and became more concerned for couples needing REAL help as I went along. Yes, there are some differences between the sexes, but this guy doesn't come close to getting it right, and if you're a man following his advice, then you can write off having a long-term with an INTELLIGENT woman. This fake doctor creates "escapes" and excuses for sheer bad behaviour of men, claiming that it's innate to the male gender, and suggests that their women forgive them for it!
Sure, forgive him....but expect your man to GROW UP at some point!
I support equal respect for men from women, and vice versa. Gray expects us to believe that a man should be able to look at other females...and also suggests that its a woman's DUTY to at least provide manual or oral gratification whenever he needs it. Hey, if I catch you flirting with other women, or DEMANDING carnal favors from me rather than gently soliciting them, and you support your bad behaviour with this book, it's ALL over!
Mr. Gray is an over-grown child looking for a loophole for his bad manners towards the women he's offended. For those looking for a better appraisal than mine, please do an internet search for The Rebuttal From Uranus, the critics there really capture the truth. (I think I'll go to my "cave" now. As a woman, I have one too, it's not just for men!) Don't Buy This Book!
| | Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by Harper Paperbacks Useful but don't believe everything in it | Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a highly popular book by John Gray and contains much to recommend it, especially for men and women in an intimate relationship. It also may be valuable to anyone seeking to have a better understanding of the opposite sex.
Personally I have some problems with the book which I should state up front. The first is that the cover lists the author as "John Gray, Ph.D." I find that people who feel the need to list their academic credentials after their name (or otherwise boast about such achievements rather than let their ideas speak for themselves) are often more pedantic than informative. Imagine for example: Albert Einstein, Ph.D! Secondly, Gray is riding a one-trick pony with this idea, having a series of books with this name, as well as a small business empire which he promotes in the book. There are workshops, workplace seminars, counseling centers, etc. all devoted to Martians and Venusians. Which brings me to my third objection, namely that the idea is just too cute. Mars is a dry (probably), barren planet and Venus is covered with gasses. Why they are symbols for men and women is beyond me. I just can't take seriously such statements as "A man falling in love with a woman is similar to what took place when the first Martian discovered the Venusians." (page 42) or the constant reference to men and women as "Martians" and "Venusians."
More significantly, Gray lumps all men and all women together creating more of a stereotype than real people. The sense is that all men and all women act in the way he describes. All men are from Mars--don't want to be improved (p. 162), argue for the right to be free (p. 134), solve problems alone (p. 27), etc. And all women are from Venus--get together and talk openly about their problems (p. 27), are like waves (p. 120), use poetic license to express their feelings (p. 61), etc. But all men are not alike, nor are all women. Sometimes I like to talk openly with people about my problems, and engage in other behaviors that Gray attributes to women. I am sure that many women also act in ways that are supposed to be reserved for men. People are complex; Gray tries to simplify them too much.
Having said all this, the book still is quite valuable. The following is a summary of some of the main points. Gray also provides numerous examples of how to respond and deal with problematic situations. The basic idea is that men and women communicate differently and should be aware of these differences. A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results. To offer a man unsolicited advice is to presume that he does not know what to do or can not do it on his own. Men want to be trusted to do the right thing. A women's sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships. Women want caring. Men should not offer solutions to women and women should not give unsolicited advice to men. When a man has a problem he goes inside himself to find a solution. When a woman has a problem she talks about it with others. When a woman is under stress she finds relief by expressing herself and being understood. A man under stress finds relief by solving the problem. Men like to feel needed, women like to feel cherished.
Men take a win/lose approach (I win therefore you lose), women take a lose/win approach ( I lose so that you can win). A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough, therefore he compensates by striving for success in material things. It is difficult for a man to listen to a woman when she is unhappy because he feels like a failure. Men and women mean different things even when they use the same words. Women express feelings, men give information. Men are literal, women are figurative. Men are often silent rather than talking. Women have a hard time understanding this silence. Women talk to feel better and create intimacy.
Men are like rubber bands--they move away and come back. Women should not chase after them. Women are like waves, they have emotional ups and downs. Men should not think it is their fault. Men want space to be free, women want understanding for the right to be upset. Men think that money will solve all problems. Women have both financial and emotional needs. Women need to receive: caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, reassurance. Men need to receive: trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement.
The secret to empower a man is never to change or improve him. The best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him. In an argument men fight (become aggressive) or flight (become silent) while women fake (pretend there is no problem) or fold (give in). Men do not say "I'm sorry" because it makes them seem to be wrong. Arguments escalate when a man invalidates a woman's feelings and she responds with disapproval. Men think that giving a woman a big present or kindness is more important than a small one. Women see all presents and acts of kindness as equal. Women need to learn to ask for support. The best way to do so is: be direct, be brief, use "would you" or "will you" phrases. Men are more willing to say yes when they have the freedom of saying no.
I give the book four stars because it is useful and can help anyone understand themselves and have better relations with the opposite sex. Just don't believe every word.
| | Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by Harper Paperbacks An absolute MUST READ for everyone | I wasn't sure what to expect when I got this book. I thought it would be basic and just hit on certain aspects of both sexes. Luckily I found this book incredibly detailed as to how both sexes can understand one another. With this in mind we'll have a better response to situations that arise. It uses a bit of humor when explaining how men and women think and react to certain situations. This book explains how both are different but when they understand and realize that they compliment one another. I would recommend this to anyone who always is confused as to how the other sex thinks and works. We are very different and this book does a GREAT job of opening our eyes to how it really is rather than how it should be.
| | Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by Harper Paperbacks Men are muscle, women are hormones | Well, my title basicly summarizes this book; men and women are very different by nature. The way this book describes these differences is hilarious and very much fun to read. Any (married) man can relate to it!
Apart from being a fun read its contents stick in your mind like glue and this book will pass before your eyes almost ten times again before the day is over. Just speak to someone of the other gender and you can at least refer her to several chapters in the book. Good to know we were born like this and so shouldn't blame each other...
Usually reading about management or sales or any business book I found this one refreshing and entertaining. It even made me appreciate myself more as it also clarifies why you should translate your wife's complaints in your head to a more constructive sentence.
It's plain simple; you want to speak with an Italian, learn to speak Italian. Want to speak to French people, learn to speak French. If you want to speak to someone from the other gender, learn to speak - or at least translate - their language. | | Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by Harper Paperbacks Excellent | | Men will be typical. I had a struggle when deciding whether I should or should not buy this book. Have been having some bad patches with my girl and gave it a shot. Turns out its pretty good. I now do understand women better and how they behave and I also understood how I tend to behave at times in certain situations. In general a good book for anyone who's in a relationship of looking of going into one. | | Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by Harper Paperbacks Product Description | Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets. Based on years of successful counseling of couples and individuals, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus has helped millions of couples transform their relationships. Now viewed as a modern classic, this phenomenal book has helped men and women realize how different they really are and how to communicate their needs in such a way that conflict doesn't arise and intimacy is given every chance to grow. | | Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by Harper Paperbacks Amazon.com Audiobook Review | | Relationship counselor John Gray focuses on the differences between men and women--men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, after all--and offers a simple solution: couples must acknowledge and accept these differences before they can develop happier relationships. In this unabridged version, Gray gives a spirited delivery of his message, especially when role-playing typical male/female interactions. Although it takes some time to adjust to his slightly nasal tone, the information is sound and gives both men and women helpful hints on improving themselves and their union. (Running time: 9.5 hours, 6 cassettes) --Sharon Griggins |
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