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Title: Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy
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Manufacturer: HarperOne
List Price: $24.95
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| Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy by HarperOne A Transformational Read! | Debbie's eloquence, yet straightforward manner allows each of us to see our human side through the eyes of the Divine. By engaging in the contents of this book I learned to embrace the gifts of the masks I have chosen to wear in life and fully integrate them creating a life more fulfilled and alive. I was also awakened to the idea of balance in how we react/interact with the world. Through my understanding of the need to temper my guardedness with vulnerability I have been able to receive and embrace love more fully in my life.
If you're ready to begin your transformation OR add dimension to the journey you are currently on, I promise this book will carry you down your path.
Thank you, Debbie, for having the courage to answer your call from the Divine so others may benefit and live a more extraordinary life!
| | Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy by HarperOne wonderful | | Everyone should read this book!!!Espcially BEFORE they do those bad things we seemed destined to do. | | Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy by HarperOne Down to the point | Debbie Ford has written this book in a way that everyone can understand it and also could find some relation to his or her personal thoughts or life experiences.
As the technology and living standarts evolves ,human exposure to uncertainties increases .Basic securities we thought we had will be taken from us over night.Like in recent financial crises lot of people lost jobs and homes.
Living in advanced competative society feeds our fears for failure makes us face more into our inner thoughts.These thoughts can be good and guide us to find solutions or push us into deeper depression.Examples used in this book are quite realistic could make anyone think about human behaviour.
I think ,it is a good book to read and you do not need a degree in psychology to understand it . | | Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy by HarperOne Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop being your own worst enemy | | For anyone willing to work on being the best person they can be, this is an "text" book. You will want to read it, ponder, journal about your thoughts, question yourself, and re-read it. I've read it once, and re-read specific chapters to really get the message that relates to me, where I am and as I am in my life right now. Very eye opening. I can already feel a shift in my motivation, my thoughts and ultimately, my interactions with others. | | Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy by HarperOne Thought-provoking and insightful |
First, I am a big fan of Debbie Ford and have written rave reviews of her other books. So I was eager to read this one. While I liked much of the content, and find the theme fascinating, I couldn't help feeling the author was squeezing 3 or 4 books' worth of ideas one medium sized book.
First, what's the topic? I would differentiate between "good people who do bad things" and "people who feel shame because they think they've done something bad." And...
P 49: "Our feelings of shame are the source of all forms of self-sabotage and self-punishment."
P 56 "Underneath every destructive act we will find a toxic buildup of one or more unexpressed emotions."
I'd like to see references to research or the author's experience for the discussion of toxic emotions. For example:
P 60: "Rather than providing a healthy outlet for our emotions, these [prescribed] medications merely allow it to build up unnoticed until some self-sabotaging incident triggers its release."
I believe this statement is true but I would want to see a source cited, or else a comment like "After coaching thousands of clients, I've come to believe..."
I've also been told that some depression is created by physiological conditions. And I've read research suggesting that emotional states can be learned or can reflect cultural interpretations.
The talented designer story (pp. 74-75) puzzled me. Either "Michelle B" was hopelessly naïve or she was in a stage of clinical detachment from reality. Indeed most of the examples reflect extreme behavior rather than more ordinary examples, such as saying just the wrong thing when you're about to advance in your career.
The discussion of masks could be a whole separate book. On p 100, Ford writes that her life was changed by recognizing her "basic nature as that of prey" instead of predator. How was her life changed? She briefly notes that she could recognize the real predators but I would like to hear more.
There's a lot of good material here. Recognizing that strong feelings about others will give clues to your own masks is an especially powerful insight that deserves more space. I'd like to know much more about recognizing a mask and poking behind the mask. Because Ford allocates just a few sentences for the challenges (i.e.,issues about changing) for each mask, this section comes across as simplistic and even shallow.
For example, the bully's challenge is "finding acceptance for their weaknes" and "embracing their vulnerability." Easier said than done! Quiet snake does not seem to be a mask: I would think the mask of "harmless person" hides the "quiet snake."
While I've known some depressives, I'm not sure they wear a mask. They don't seem to hide hurt, rejection and helplessness - frankly, they seem to flaunt those qualities. People have revealed their anti-depressant prescriptions five minutes after meeting me...and they're not clients, just acquaintances.
How do we distinguish a character trait or lifestyle preference from a mask? For example, in his book Solitude, British psychiatrist Anthony Storr argues that some people are more work-oriented and less relationship oriented. They're not neurotic, just different from the standard model. So is "loner" a mask, a choice or a personal quality that's neither good nor bad? The answer seems to be, "In depends..." but I'd like to see that spelled out.
Readers should chuckle on p. 136 when Ford lists potential addictions of loners. Fans of the Sex and the City series will immediately remember Charlotte's episode when she got hooked by one of the items mentioned here. I doubt there's a relevant 12-step program available.
Similarly the signposts are covered too lightly. Do we really recognize these signposts in ourselves, particularly intolerance and self-absorption? Should we really encourage people to let themselves be vulnerable before they've learned how to create and/or identify a safe space?
I know the author has far more knowledge than we see here and I hope she revisits these themes in a future book, perhaps giving a whole substantial chapter to each mask and writing another book on signposts. I particularly liked the paragraph on p. 242, where she writes from the heart: Her addiction opened her up to "greater realities." Fear of being called lazy motivates her drive for work. This could have been another theme: instead of burying our darkest selves, empower them and use them as leverage to reach the goals that matter.
Ultimately I would suggest an amendment to the book's premise, which seems to be along the lines of, "Self-destructive behavior originates with shame." I believe people can sabotage their own career success when they're just deeply dissatisfied with their own professional path. I have told clients that, in my experience, if you wait too long to leave a job, you may do something to get yourself fired. It would be a stretch to argue that this behavior comes from shame.
| | Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy by HarperOne Product Description | Why Good People Do Bad Things exposes the pervasive and often hidden impulses that influence our everyday decisions. The headlines are full of stories of good people gone astray. They show up on the evening news and are splashed across the weekly tabloids. In many ways, these sad stories have become a national obsession. Yet countless other acts of self-destruction and sabotage take place in our families, in our communities, in our circle of friends. Despite good intentions, good people do very bad things—often without understanding why. New York Times bestselling author Debbie Ford guides us into the heart of the duality that unknowingly operates within each one of us: the force that compels us to live by our values, give and receive love, and be a contributing member of the community; and the force that holds us back, sabotages our efforts, and repeatedly steers us toward bad choices. Ford begins with an examination of what she calls the Beach-Ball Effect—the way in which suppressed emotions eventually rise to the surface—revealing the origins of self-destructive behavior. By describing the never-ending battle between our light and dark sides and then identifying the signposts for potential disaster, Ford helps us understand how we end up damaging the lives we've worked so hard to create. She then breaks new ground by helping us recognize the masks we wear to protect ourselves, including the People Pleaser, the Victim, the Bully, Mister Cool, and the Jokester. Understanding these masks and what they cover up allows us to go beneath the surface, wake up from denial, and become the person we always intended to be. With Why Good People Do Bad Things Ford has created her most enduring, expansive, and powerful work to date. Providing the tools to unlock the patterns of self-sabotage, Ford ultimately knocks down the façade of the false self and shows us how to heal the split between light and dark and live the authentic life within our reach. |
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