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Title: Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work
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| Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work by Dell Never an easy task |
For the first time I am reviewing a book that I did not completely read. In fact, I read only the first two chapters. But at the time--several years ago, those were the only chapters I needed. Robert M. Bramson, management consultant, found that the number one problem in all the businesses he worked with was people trying to cope with difficult people. So he wrote this book.
He identifies six types of difficult people:
Hostile-aggressives: those who bully and throw tantrums to get their way;
Complainers: those who gripe incessantly but do nothing to change things;
Super-Agreeables: those who are supportive and agreeable but fail to follow through;
Silent and Unresponsives: those who respond to every question with yep, no, or a grunt;
Negativists: those who deflate any optimism you have;
Know-It-All Experts: those who know everything about anything worth knowing-- their goal is to make you feel worthless;
Indecisives: those who stall major decisions until they are made for them, often causing loss of jobs and opportunities.
The problem I had to work with was the Hostile-Agressive, of which there are three types: the Sherman Tank, the Sniper, and the Exploder. The Sniper makes deeply cutting comments under the guise of humor so that the victim is always slightly off-balance. Was it a joke or not? The Sherman Tank bullies verbally and physically if necessary to see that things go his way. He can be very intimidating. The Exploder is frightening in his vociferous behavior. Of the three the Exploder is the only one who cannot be persuaded to calm down. The victim must wait for that.
The husband, now ex-husband, was the Exploder and also a Complainer, Negativist, and a Know-It-All. The most difficult to deal with is the Exploder. Once he started, his temper and voice became louder and louder. The first step in dealing with this behavior is to get their attention by saying STOP! Stop!. That never worked for me. I thought surely if I break into his monolog he would stop and listen to me. He just got louder and louder. If I yelled, he yelled louder. If I talked, he demanded that I stop sassing him.
The method that always worked for me was to allow him time to calm down. The best way for him to achieve that calmness was that I leave the house. I would drive around for at least 30 minutes, then return home. He was always over his tantrum and usually friendly. He never apologized for anything (it was ALWAYS my fault). We would just start talking again as if nothing had happened. The big deal is that this method worked every time. He needed to be away from interaction with other people until his anger faded.
I have recommended this book to a number of people over the years and tout its efficacy in working with difficult people, especially the Exploders.
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| Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work by Dell Useful |
There are some other books out there on the same subject. Some, like "Toxic Coworkers," may do the job even better. But this is still a useful volume. As the Introduction notes (page 1): "This is a book about impossible people and how to cope with them." Coping is the center of this work--how to deal with workers who are difficult to work with. The idea? (Page 7): "Coping enables you and the Difficult Person to get on with the business at hand." "Win-win" is the goal. Is the advice useful? Each reader will have to decide for him/herself?
The book describes a variety of difficult types: hostile-aggressive, the complainer, unresponsive ones, wonderfully nice people who don't perform, the negativist, know-it-alls, and indecisive stallers. For each, the author describes the malady and then suggests how one might work with them to get the best out of them. The book closes, also, with ideas as to how one can manage one's own "defensive behavior" around such problem workers. The author concludes (page 214): ". . .many people just like you have found that coping effectively with difficult people is possible."
Final question: How well does the book succeed? Not bad, but the solutions will not convince all readers.
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| Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work by Dell Dealing With Difficult People |
Read about the different types of people in the world today, and find out ways to deal with difficult personalities.
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| Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work by Dell Good coping strategies |
| I thought the parts of this book that described some of the different, difficult personalities was very good. I actually really thought it had something to offer and the strategies were practical. The insights though didn't stick and I think that you have to read this regularly to keep reminding yourself that all these people exist in the world (including you) and you are going to see them every day. Thats kind of a depressing thought actually. With all the other books I need to keep reading to remind myself about various insights I want to stay home. |
| Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work by Dell I liked the concept of this book |
| The concept of this book is good. You can't change other people, and you can't always avoid them. The most realistic option is to have some coping strategies. I think the author outlined them well. I gave the book three stars, though, because the reading got to be tedious and boring. I've read similar books that are more enjoyable, either because you can identify the different personality type with humor, or because they explained the personalities more realistically with better situational examples. This book seemed a little dry. |
| Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work by Dell Product Description |
Bosses, friends, family members, they've made your life hell -- until now! Based on fourteen years of research and observation, Dr. Robert Bramson's proven-effective techniques are guaranteed to help you right the balance and take charge of your life. Learn how to:
Stand up to anyone -- without fighting.
Blunt a sniper's attack.
Get a clam to talk.
Cut off a Sherman tank at the pass.
Manage bulldozers.
Get stallers off the dime.
Move a complainer into a problem-solving mode.
Learn the six basic steps that allow you to cope with just about anyone. Reclaim the power the rightfully belongs to you in any relationship! |
