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Title: A RETURN TO MODESTY: Discovering the Lost Virtue
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Manufacturer: Free Press
List Price: $15.00
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| A RETURN TO MODESTY: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Free Press Good secular argument Modesty - oriented to female readers | The author Mrs.Shalit structures the essay in three sections. She first identifies how lack of modesty and widespread promiscuity are creating more problems for girls than the ones they solve. In the second section, she philosophically describes the history of modesty and its purpose: to leash men's behaviour to respectable standards. In the last section, she describes how some people right now are trying to live a modest lifestyle + the success/failures of their choices.
The main thesis of the author seems to be that modesty should be valued by women because it protects them. From rape, from irresponsible men, and from being exploited. There is an overarching tone that may disturb male readers in that the author assumes that all men are predatory sex animals who only want to have as much as as they can. I hope she could've said more about how men's modesty protects them as well. From my point of view, (male writer), there are plenty of women who wants to have casual sex and I dress modestly to try to give the signal that I'm not of that type.
The author's idea of modesty is much more than just dressing modestly, she defines it as a deeper virtue that is merely superficially reflected in a person's appearance. She ties it into the idea of saving sex until marriage and also day-to-day physical contact with opposite sex members.
Then she talks about the benefit of modesty beyond just "protection" and to how it can support family unity, relationship longevity, and overall greater happiness (mostly from a female point of view).
Personally I feel that the author is kind of a new wave feminist and this book is aimed to get the women to protect themselves from men. However, I think the problem of promiscuity and immodesty has a greater root.
That is the idea of moral relativism. It is very difficult to construe any behavior as "bad" if it doesn't involve the physical harming of another living thing. This is very short-sighted. Many damages to the society are ideological and intangible. For example, pornography is one kind of moral pollutant that should be controlled or best - banned. Unfortunately, most college students would respond with "you cannot make judgments on someone else". Some (Glenn Beck for example) may call it political correctness. Similarly, I think the sexual revolution in the 60s has been extremely destructive for the most part. It completely undermines the traditional family unit which I strongly think is essential to the healthy nurturing of future generations - so much so that marriage is sadly considered a bad word in some New York circles. | | A RETURN TO MODESTY: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Free Press Maybe a few years will make a difference | I was drawn to the work because I am what Shalit deems a "Modestynik." However, I do not believe that a longer skirt will solve the world's ills. Ms. Shalit does not interview anyone older than 30, except maybe a few dirty-minded professors. She does not research statistics of the relations between men and women prior to the 1960s, nor does she examine any environment outside of Williams College and the nightclub. Moreover, when she uses source material other than women's service magazines and the Clothesline Project, her interpretations are flawed. For example, her analysis of Pipher's Reviving Ophelia would leave most scratching their heads. Pipher does not encourage sexual liasons; she encourages girls to say no and make it sound like no.
Moreover, her tactics sound like victim-blaming, and cannot be universally applied. In 2006, a 20-year-old Orthodox woman in Lakewood was abducted and raped. That same year, a predator was molesting young girls in the Orthodox Jewish neighborhood of Borough Park. In both cases, the victims were quite modest. Nothing, but NOTHING, gives a man the right to attack a woman. Or perhaps we should take a page from the Muslims, where a woman was raped and then incarcerated and beaten in Saudi Arabia. Of course it was her fault for being in a car telling her ex that it was truly over. Never mind that someone else raped her.
Hopefully a few years experience in the outside world will broaden Ms. Shalit's mind. | | A RETURN TO MODESTY: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Free Press The Freeing Power of Modesty | Shalit's Girls Gone Mild, with its discussion of the pressure on girls to be sexy, tough, and emotionally detached, whet my appetite for A Return to Modesty with its hints at a less-than-reticent culture. It is no secret that modesty in dress, speech, and demeanor is less-than-popular these days. Wendy takes an in-depth look at the scope and effects of this lack of modesty, and she also highlights how culture in general, and women in particular, are beginning to change some things as a response.
One of the strongest points in the book is the emphasis on how natural modesty really is. Shalit gives convincing evidence, with which many girls will have an internal connection, that one of the most important traits of a young girl is her tendency towards embarrassment. Shalit then demonstrates how the culture tries to smash this tendency out of girls, and everyone else, so that we can be open and free with ourselves and the world. But the sad thing about it is that it has made us lose much more than anything we've gained out of it.
My favorite part of the book was the inclusion of quotations from old courtesy manuals and young men's and women's etiquette guides from an older time. Standards have changed so much, and these quotations illustrate that powerfully. Similarly, a mere 60 years ago, there was a court battle in Michigan over whether a woman should be allowed to be a bartender. The conclusion reached was that a woman could not be a bartender unless the bar was owned by her husband or father. Presumably, the behavior of the men at a bar tended by a woman could be disprespectful or endangering, but if her husband or father was the owner, the men would behave themselves. How things have changed in such a short time!
Shalit does not advocate a return to every modesty law of our grandparents' generation; neither does she construct specific guidelines for young women. Rather, she aims at the heart of the matter by showing that we as women have so much more to gain by modesty, and that we can influence the behavior of men by how much we expect of them. I would love to share this book with so many young women who do not feel they have the right to withhold any part of themselves, and who need to experience the freeing power of a life of modesty. | | A RETURN TO MODESTY: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Free Press This book is not G-rated | | I bought this book thinking it was something I could share with my teenage daughter to help reinforce the importance of modesty. What I found was ALOT of sexual content. And after a graphic and very disturbing description of the rape and murder of a young girl (was the author going for shock value) in chapter three I decided that the best place for this book is in the trash. Maybe it gets better later, but this is one reader who is not going to find out. | | A RETURN TO MODESTY: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Free Press this book changed my life for the better | | I picked up this book after yet another gross one-night-stand and i realized I was worth more than that. (Like, duh!) I decided to "save myself" (I won't lie to you and tell you I was a virgin) for the "right man," no, I really do mean the right man, and i did, and now I'm engaged. Andrea Dworkin says she disagrees that Shalit's solution to violence against women would cease, or at least be quelled, if women respected themselves. I disagree with Dworkin (as I do on most things.) While I understand where she's coming from (what liberal, like me, wants to be accused of "blaming the victim?"), I think it's common sense that if you don't want to get raped, you shouldn't go out walking alone at night in a tight mini-skirt, stilletto heals, flashy jewelry, and carrying a big fancy handbag. This isn't fair, but it's the way it is, folks. I knew that just by frequently riding the subway in Chicago. The editorial review of this book accuses Shalit of using "caricatures." She uses generalizations, which are common in works of sociology (if not vital), but not caricatures. A fine book, along the same revolutionary lines as Mary Pipher's famous best-seller "Reviving Ophelia." | | A RETURN TO MODESTY: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Free Press Product Description | | Where once a young woman had to be ashamed of her sexual experience, today she is ashamed of her sexual inexperience. Where not long ago an unmarried woman was ashamed to give public evidence of sexual desire by living with someone, today she must be ashamed to give evidence of romantic desire. From sex education in grade school to coed bathrooms in college, today's young woman is being pressured relentlessly to overcome her embarrassment, her "hang-ups," and especially her romantic hopes. Meanwhile, the problems young women struggle with grow steadily more extreme: from sexual harassment, stalking, and date rape to anorexia and self-mutilation. Both men and women endlessly lament the loss of privacy and of real intimacy. What is it all about? Beholden neither to conservatives who discount as exaggeration the dangers facing young women, nor to feminists who steadfastly affix blame on the patriarchy, Wendy Shalit proposes that, in fact, we have lost our respect for an important classical virtue -- that of sexual modesty. A Return to Modesty is a deeply personal account as well as a fascinating intellectual exploration. From seventeenth-century manners guides to Antonio Canova's sculpture, Venus Italico, to Frank Loesser's 1948 tune, "Baby, It's Cold Outside," A Return to Modesty unfolds like a detective's search for a lost idea as Shalit uncovers opinions about this lost virtue's importance, from Balzac to Simone de Beauvoir, that have not been aired for decades. Then she knocks down the accompanying myths one by one. Female modesty is not about a "sexual double standard," as is often thought, but is related to male virtue and honor. Modesty is not a social construct, but a natural response. And modesty is not prudery, but a way to preserve a sense of the erotic in our lives. With humor and piercing insight, Shalit invites us to look beyond the blush and consider the new power to be found in an old ideal. She maintains that the sex education curriculum forced on those of her generation from an early age is fundamentally flawed, centered as it is on overcoming reticence -- what we today call "hang-ups." Shalit surprisingly and persuasively argues that without these misnamed hang-ups there can be no true surrender, no richness and depth to relations between the sexes. The natural inclination toward modesty is not a hang-up that we should set out to cure, but rather a wonderful instinct that, if rediscovered and given the right social support, has the power to transform society. | | A RETURN TO MODESTY: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Free Press Amazon.com | | The 23-year-old author first heard of "modestyniks"--Orthodox Jewish women who withhold physical contact from men until marriage--while a freshman at Williams College. She was initially fascinated by the way in which they cleave to old ideals, especially amid a sexually saturated contemporary world. But more so, Wendy Shalit was aghast at how modestyniks are dismissed as sick, delusional, or repressed by the secular community. "Why," asks the author, "is sexual modesty so threatening to some that they can only respond to it with charges of abuse or delusion?" In her thoughtful three-part essay, the author reveals an impressive reading list as she probes the cultural history of sexual modesty for women and considers whether this virtue may be beneficial in today's world--if not an antidote to misogyny. In an age when women are embarrassed by sexual inexperience, when sex education is introduced as early as primary school, and when women suffer more than ever from eating disorders, stalking, sexual harassment, and date rape, Shalit believes a return to modesty may place women on equal footing with men. She yearns for a time when conservatives can believe the claims of feminists and feminists can differentiate between patriarchy and misogyny and share in the dialectic of female sexuality. While the young author's argument is often limited by naiveté and her own lack of experience, her profound intelligence and daring are undeniable. A Return to Modesty is a thought-provoking debut that introduces an original and exciting new feminist thinker. --Kera Bolonik |
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